


"then leave"

by Hiirah



Series: because I love you [9]
Category: Big Bang (Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiirah/pseuds/Hiirah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoona's tired and she wants out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"then leave"

Yoona wakes up and the first thing she does is check her phone. She stretches her arm towards her bedside table and searches for her phone, bringing it close once her hand grips the small object.

 

She squints her eyes trying to adjust to the sunlight streaming through her windows and mentally cursing herself for not drawing the blinds yesterday night. A frown decorated her eyebrows when sees no new messages from him and tries to ignore the bitter feeling in her chest.

 

 _‘He’s probably busy in japan’_ , she reprimands herself for the hundredth time that month.

 

Truth is, she’s nearing her breaking point and she’s not sure how long until she explodes but she gulps the feeling down because it’s all for the sake of their relationship.

 

Yoona slowly stretches and pads her way towards her kitchen, her slippers echoing along the corridor. She makes her way towards the coffee machine and immediately starts to fill the machine with her favourite coffee – hazelnut coffee – and switches it on.

 

While waiting for her coffee to be done, Yoona walks to her living room and immediately switch on the television in hopes to see something interesting going on. It took her a couple of minutes of switching channels when she finally stops at the channel that made her blood froze. The channel displayed was giving updates about the hottest star in the kpop scene, and there displayed on the television is a picture of him partying way too hard – more specifically, grinding on the dance floor – with a model in his arms. A model whom he has been constantly connected with in the eyes of the media.

 

Kiko Mizuhara.

 

Yoona feels bile building up in her throat and the need to vomit over wash her being. She quickly switches off the television and when she sees red all over, Yoona squats down on the living room floor and counts to ten. But when she opens her eyes, she’s still seeing red but she tries to keep herself at bay.

 

_‘I should be used to this feeling.’_

 

A bitter thought fleets through her mind and she stands up to wash her face at the kitchen sink letting the drops of water to distinguish the redness. The coffee machines clicks, signalling her ready-made coffee. Yoona just bends at the sink and tries to drown herself with the water flowing down from the faucet, ignoring the fact that she’s wasting precious water.

 

_She’s precious too, but she’s being wasted by the man she loves._

 

Finally cooling herself down, Yoona turns the sink nozzle to stop the flow of the water. Yoona hears the distinct ‘ding’ coming from her bedroom, indicating that a message has come through. Yoona freezes, knowing exactly who sent her the text. Who else if it wasn’t him.

 

Yoona trudges her way to her bedroom and grabs her phone on the bedside table. She opens her message folder and see one message from him.

 

'Coming home soon in a few mins. Wait for me. – Ji'

 

The fact that he demanded her to wait for him was ridiculous, after the events that had occured. Yoona hates the fact that he’s able to reduce her into this hopeless being. Hates that she gave him that much power to crush her and abuse her heart and she hates herself for still being in love with him.

 

Yoona doesn’t cry, no, she’s already past that point in their relationship when he started to not care, but she’s reached her breaking point she’d be damned if she were to stay in this relationship a day longer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey babe.” Jiyong greets warmly after entering the door to the apartment. He places his key on the cabinet nearby and makes his way towards Yoona.

 

“Ji, we have to talk.” Yoona says, a tinge of steel in her voice unknown to Jiyong.

 

After Jiyong plopped himself down on the couch opposite Yoona (he knows not to sit beside her when they’re having their talk) and places his leg on the coffee table. Jiyong stares at her blankly waiting for her to start talking.

 

“I want out. Whatever we have between us –,” Yoona gestures towards the open space between them, “ – I want out.”

 

Jiyong snaps his head to really look at her in the eyes. He watches her fretting uncomfortably on the couch but the determination in her eyes didn’t waver.

 

“No you don’t.” He starts. Yoona frowns at how true the statement is deep down in her heart. “You have me here, and you love it.” Jiyong says a bit arrogantly.

 

“No I don’t. I don’t love it. I don’t love the fact that I’m losing you day by day Ji. Maybe not physically but deep down, we’ve drifted away. And I’m tired of losing you constantly.” Yoona replies, looking up as she feels her tears threatening to slip loose. She’s not going to break down in front of him, she’s going to leave this relationship behind dammit.

 

Yoona gathers herself back and takes in a deep breath, looking back at Jiyong. “The hardest thing about losing you is that it didn’t just happen once. I lose you every single day that we don’t speak. When I wake up in the morning and reach for my phone and hope to see a message that isn’t there, and when I go to sleep at night after I realise that the only person I want to moan to about how crap my day was, isn’t there. It’s only when I’m asleep that I get a break from it, from thinking and wanting and missing.” Yoona’s voice breaks from the weight of her emotions but she manages to continue. “But then I wake up the following day, roll over, check my phone, see that you didn’t call and I just know I’m going to feel it all over again. This ache and longing and it’s unhealthy for me.” Yoona ends with a yell, wanting to let all of these feelings go.

 

The silence between them comes with a snap as they continued to stare at each other. Throughout her rant, Jiyong just stares at her and stares at her and stares at her and it made Yoona think, when was the last time Jiyong looked at her properly? The answer pushed the dagger a little bit deeper into her breaking heart.

 

After a few minutes which felt like hours to Yoona, Jiyong finally opened his mouth and the words that left his mouth would definitely leave a scathing scar on Yoona’s heart.

 

“Then leave.”

 


End file.
